Radiant through radiation

So far I have completed 3 rounds of chemotherapy. Each round is 3 days and I have 2 week breaks in between. Like I said in my last blog, i was supposed to have one round left, but we have decided to add 2 more. While I’m disappointed, I’m also ready to be aggressive. Always aggressive. To date I’ve had 9 days of chemo, 4 CAT scans, 3 MRI’s, 1 PET scan, 1 lung biopsy, 1 liver biopsy, 1 ultrasound, 1 gamma knife radiation ….and a partridge in a pear tree.

January 4th, 2019 was my gamma knife radiation. I had a small spot on the back of my brain that we decided to be aggressive with (there’s that word again!) and get rid of it as soon as possible. I met with the radiologist, it was a long day in the city filled with doctors appointments and she was our last stop. We ended up being there for close to 3 hours. I had a nurse, intern and doctor come in, ask me the same questions over and over, had me complete the same tests, and then told me the same information about the gamma knife. “It’s cutting edge”, they said. “Had this been 15 years ago we would have to radiate your whole brain and it would age your brain and make you a bit slower”. Awesome.

Fear coursed through me, why would they tell me that, this isn’t 15 years ago!! Were they showing off? The doctor then explained the gamma knife procedure. They would put me under first and screw 4 large pins into my head and through my skin so I couldn’t move when they locked me into the machine and performed the procedure. She showed me a video. I felt sick to my stomach. It was too much, too much information in one day. I struggled to process it all. On the ride home with Alex and my dad I was silent. I was so overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted that I projectile vomited all over my dad’s car. Sorry dad!

I tried to enjoy Christmas and NYE and put the gamma knife procedure out of my head. Christmas Eve was perfect, I felt like myself again. Christmas Day I began to feel sick and once again I caught some sort of virus due to my immune system being so compromised from the chemo. That week was a struggle.

January 4 finally arrived. We woke up at 3:30 am as my appointment was scheduled for 5:30 am. When we arrived I looked around at the waiting room, that was dated and run down, and thought to myself, “this is cutting edge?”. My legs shook. My dad and Alex tried to crack jokes and distract me but it didn’t work. I realize now I get silent when I’m nervous. And if you know me, I’m rarely silent- so my lack of conversation was a dead give away to them.

My name was finally called. I was taken back to a small area that was blocked off by curtains. The accommodations may not have been up to par, but the nurses were phenomenal. What the building lacked in comfort, the nurses made up for in caring. They did their best to calm me down. I had lots of questions, again it’s the unknown that is the scariest part. I was put under twilight and woke up to a big beautiful frame on my head. I felt like a crazy character in a psychological thriller. Perhaps Anthony Hopkins from silence of the lambs? You can be the judge (see pics below), either way... i looked creepy. BUT I was still smiling, cancer can’t take that away from me.

Once the frame was on, I went to an MRI to make sure there was nothing else hiding in my brain. Thank the Lord there wasn’t!

The radiation was actually the easiest part, it only took 16 mins. I listened to worship music the whole time, which help relieve my anxiety. 4 hours later I was ready to be discharged. Before I left the nurse turned to me and said, “by the way you’re guaranteed to have a headache for 24 hours.” And wow was she right. Ouch. 🤕

In two months I have an MRI to make sure that sucker is GONE! Thank the Lord for modern medicine! Needless to say, I’m beyond grateful that part is behind me, it’s not something I ever want to relive... but the experience has certainly made me stronger.

You know how they say God only gives you what you can handle? Well... He must think I’m a real badass 😁💪🏼👊🏼