West Coast Time

This is a rough update, I kept adding to it, so sorry if the timeline is all over the place. I’m at a slower pace in Cali, so I apologize it took me so long to post. I am now updating you the 8th week of treatment. I thought it would be a good time for an update. The first week was brutal.

When we first arrived I became really sick really fast. I was in a ton of pain that led me to two trips to the ER. Even then the pain was unbearable. I was so hopeless. I honestly thought we had made a big mistake coming here. I even asked about going home to hospice- I know that’s awful to write and read, but it was where I was at. I was so scared. Nothing would take away the debilitating pain. Not even the IV pain meds they gave me.

I’m so happy to say I am in a much better place now physically, spiritually and mentally. I AM GOING TO LIVE. This will and is a hard fight- it’s a battle and a struggle, but I WILL live the full and healthy life Jesus has promised me!

I just can’t think any other way, of course I have my moments (lots of them) but the Lord keeps directing me back to the knowledge that I am going to be healed.

So here’s a brief update of what I’ve been up to the past 2 months. I can’t believe it’s been that long. I truly have had to take it one day at a time - or else it’s too hard to think about being away from home. I miss my dogs and I miss my house, most of all I miss my community. I can’t wait to be back home!

5 days a week I come to the clinic. Usually 9-2. It’s a long day, some days are easier than others. There have been a couple days where I was so weak I didn’t think I would make it through the doors, I literally thought I was going to collapse. It’s an awful feeling to not trust your legs underneath you. It felt like my feet were full of led.

I came crashing through the doors on Monday with that feeling, the nurses sprang into action and got me to a bed with IV fluids- which seemed to help some. They believe the weakness is a side effect of one of my IV treatments called mistletoe. It’s an alternative medicine that helps kill the cancer, they said as it kills the cancer it can cause those side effects. Not to mention the side effects from the low dose chemo. They are actually worse then the ones i got at home. I have numbness in both hands and one arm. Oh and the CHEEKS.... Ohhhhh the steroid cheeks. It looks like I’m hoarding food for the winter like a not so small chipmunk :) So you gotta get sick to get better I guess. They started to lower my dose of mistletoe and steroid to see if that helps.

The past month has been basically pain free. Just this weekend it started to come back, so I think it’s time to start chemo again, thank God that’s tomorrow. I’ve had stomach and just overall body pain this weekend that is reminiscent of the liver pain in the beginning. Trusting in God, knowing He will take this away and that I will live a full healed life.

(I wrote this a few weeks ago) Yesterday was my last round of chemo for two weeks since I’m taking a break next week to do whole brain radiation. Yes - whole brain. I’m scared. But I know the Lord has led me to do that treatment as well. I think the alternative and Conventional treatments together are really helpful. So am I scared of the whole brain radiation and side effects? Yes. But I know the Lord will protect me against any negatives, I just have to KILL it from my brain!!! It does not belong there.

Right now there are 100s of small spots on my brain so I want to kill them before they get any bigger or cause symptoms. Of course I’m in my head a lot too. My vision has been blurry lately, and sometimes I wonder if it’s causing my weakness- but I really believe that is all in my head. As a new mom I hear you can easily get blurry vision- and it’s really not too bad, it’s just not 20/20 like I’m used too since I had LASIK 8 years ago. Anyways it’s so easy to get in my head about every little thing- so that brings me to prayer. I know my own prayer is working and I KNOW God is answering the 1,000s of prayers from all of my prayer warriors!!! Please keep them coming!

I’ve been so blessed to have friends and family come and help us with the baby. I didn’t think I’d ever get out of bed again, let alone be able to hang out with people. It’s a moment at a time but being able to reach each milestone for me is huge. To be in able to be in public with no anxiety is no small feet! . Rachel, my California aunt and cousin, Kate, Lindsay, Sharon, my brother and family, my sister, and now my mother in law is here giving my parents a nice break while we’re at treatment. She’s a whole new baby to her! Crawling and talking- 11 months today! I can’t believe she’s almost a year. And I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere until I live the full life God promised me. I know He put me on this earth for more!

One of those promises are for me to raise my daughter, the Lord gave me certain characteristics He wants me to hand down to my kids. I say kids because many have had visions of us with more kids when they pray, a Caleb perhaps? We would be just fine with just our beautiful Charlie of course. Just the 3 of us 😁But are so open to any future the Lord gives us. 43 more years? 45? 50? Bring it on.

My port became infected so I had to have it taken out and now they want me to get a new one. So prayers that is possible and soon. It’s a painful procedure but will save my veins. So it needs to be done.

I’ll take it all, just want to be healthy and alive and THERE for Charlie! Amen!!! Sorry for the long pause in updates. But now we’re all caught up. Next blog will hopefully be written from Pennsylvania. Love you all 💗

xoxo,

J